Such a cruel joke.
I was given Cadbury Dream Eggs... to lick and suck and happy-fy my mouth with... and dang eggs were bought in Singapore pa!!!!
I am now, officially, a tormented woman. Unless someone can direct me where to buy them here in Manila.
Sunday, March 30, 2003
My friend just e-mailed me that she's currently helping a student to deal with RAPE. She's so affected in a way because, like me, her mother complex is sooo strong. She also said, she felt like wanting to punch her own loving boyfriend for a week after hearing of the news.
Dang. And here I am, just lost interest in men yet again. So depressing news.
Dang. And here I am, just lost interest in men yet again. So depressing news.
Around 20 years ago, I was feeling all kinds of embarrassed because Mom was stripping me in front of so many people. It didn't make a difference to me that I was only around 6 years old that time and didn't have much of tits yet. We danced to Pearly Shells as a graduation presentation... and dang, I just loved my grass skirt!.
*~*~*
Yesterday, I was reminded of that kindergarten graduation as I watched my niece, ELA, get similarly dressed and undressed in the covered gym of their school. She graduated second of their class, and I was just too teary-eyed proud of her. let's say, after my sister, I love her best. And I was also sooo proud of her Mom for doing a great job despite my cousin's (the bilogical father) irresponsibility.
*~*~*
One of the presentations at my niece's graduation was this uhm, dance number of BAKIT PAPA. True enough, the girls were wearing this loud-red brassiere tops and red mini skirts with hi-cut boots and gyrating like crazy. My own niece was also part of another dance number where, again, they were just really swaying their undeveloped hips. And then, a wee lass rendered a SOLO performance of dancing to that "You're sooo sexy, sexy, sex..." song.
Some parents found her cute. Well, she WAS cute. But I could not help but be bothered at the sexuality and sensuality she was exuding at the age of 6. It just wasn't right. I could not help but believe I was watching a Pegasus dancer who's only 6 years old. The girl deserves credit, she can move!!! But... she looked promiscuous. And she shouldn't be looking that way. And it was a graduation, not some sick circus.
*~*~*
The worse thing was, this teacher/emcee's comment after the solo performance. He said something to the effect that... Whew, it seems everybody was awakened by that number.. and not only the young boys.. . Arrrggh, I could just have killed him. I mean, the 6-year old boys weren't even paying attention!!! And there he was, implying that a lot other guys, like him, got hot and bothered over the little girl!.
*~*~*
My cousin didn't even buy my niece new shoes for graduation. And of course, he didn't attend. I was so upset with him last night and I texted him that it's so sad, his child (who deserves financial sustenance if nothing else) is growing up without him getting to know how beautiful and wise she is becoming. I also texted him that the bad karma of his irresponsibility towards Ela might be paid by his kids with his wife (I just realized that his kids with wife have been always sicker than Ela ever was). I love his other kids too, i'm even godmommy to one... but dang the man, I hate how he's been hurting Ela.
*~*~*
NOTE ABOUT THE WAR:
Funny, the Americans are crying out about the inhumanity of Iraqis by showing that video of American POWs and cadavers. But I don't hear them saying that it's wrong for their own people to have bombed hospitals, schools, places of worship and water reservoirs in Iraq.
*~*~*
Yesterday, I was reminded of that kindergarten graduation as I watched my niece, ELA, get similarly dressed and undressed in the covered gym of their school. She graduated second of their class, and I was just too teary-eyed proud of her. let's say, after my sister, I love her best. And I was also sooo proud of her Mom for doing a great job despite my cousin's (the bilogical father) irresponsibility.
*~*~*
One of the presentations at my niece's graduation was this uhm, dance number of BAKIT PAPA. True enough, the girls were wearing this loud-red brassiere tops and red mini skirts with hi-cut boots and gyrating like crazy. My own niece was also part of another dance number where, again, they were just really swaying their undeveloped hips. And then, a wee lass rendered a SOLO performance of dancing to that "You're sooo sexy, sexy, sex..." song.
Some parents found her cute. Well, she WAS cute. But I could not help but be bothered at the sexuality and sensuality she was exuding at the age of 6. It just wasn't right. I could not help but believe I was watching a Pegasus dancer who's only 6 years old. The girl deserves credit, she can move!!! But... she looked promiscuous. And she shouldn't be looking that way. And it was a graduation, not some sick circus.
*~*~*
The worse thing was, this teacher/emcee's comment after the solo performance. He said something to the effect that... Whew, it seems everybody was awakened by that number.. and not only the young boys.. . Arrrggh, I could just have killed him. I mean, the 6-year old boys weren't even paying attention!!! And there he was, implying that a lot other guys, like him, got hot and bothered over the little girl!.
*~*~*
My cousin didn't even buy my niece new shoes for graduation. And of course, he didn't attend. I was so upset with him last night and I texted him that it's so sad, his child (who deserves financial sustenance if nothing else) is growing up without him getting to know how beautiful and wise she is becoming. I also texted him that the bad karma of his irresponsibility towards Ela might be paid by his kids with his wife (I just realized that his kids with wife have been always sicker than Ela ever was). I love his other kids too, i'm even godmommy to one... but dang the man, I hate how he's been hurting Ela.
*~*~*
NOTE ABOUT THE WAR:
Funny, the Americans are crying out about the inhumanity of Iraqis by showing that video of American POWs and cadavers. But I don't hear them saying that it's wrong for their own people to have bombed hospitals, schools, places of worship and water reservoirs in Iraq.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
My cousin, TIN, had this gay classmate pretending to be a girl. This classmate fooled some 30+ year old guy that he's a SHE. The guy would give the classmate load so they can continue texting. My cousin got the guy's phone number w/o telling her classmate. She and my sister tried texting the guy. True enough, when my sister told the guy that she doesn't have load anymore (and you know 17-year olds), the guy did send her one. First, it was this pure text thing that Grace and Tin thought was fake... so they had another cousin of mine try to load it in her cell. Of course, Ate Gang has a pure text load now. My sister then told the guy that she generously gave the load to our Mom instead. And so the guy sent my sister a P300.00 load this time. Ergo, the guy is now known as sugar daddy in our home.
And dismayed I may be, I can't really stop my sis from doing such a thing. First, she didn't ask for the load, she says, it was freely given. And with summer approaching, she needs the load since she won't have any allowance anymore. Second, I have enough trust in her that she won't exchange her body for the load in the event that she (together with 3 other cousins) meet with this guy. Third, I was left stupefied.
I did tell her that I haven't done such a thing... and that I couldn't bear such a thing (heaven help me, am looking at a month w/o loading also). I asked my sister also about pride, and she reiterated that she didn't ask for it. And when I told her that men like that expect only one thing from 17-year olds (nope, definitely their virginity and not their older sister), my sister just gave me her I-can-handle-this-don't-worry look.
Which also brings me to another point... why is it a prevalent thing now, guys giving load to stranger girls? How much of a loser are they? I mean, I can understand friends or siginificant others doing such... but... spending money on girls who are obviously just using you?
Anyway, my sister isn't as conservative as I think she was. Lolz, she even told me that I should accept it if am given a load by some guy someday.
I just frustrated the girl by suggesting that she get a henna tattoo on her lower back, so she'd look more ravishing in my bathing suit. Of course, she wants one now.. and has no idea whewre to get one.
Sisters.
And dismayed I may be, I can't really stop my sis from doing such a thing. First, she didn't ask for the load, she says, it was freely given. And with summer approaching, she needs the load since she won't have any allowance anymore. Second, I have enough trust in her that she won't exchange her body for the load in the event that she (together with 3 other cousins) meet with this guy. Third, I was left stupefied.
I did tell her that I haven't done such a thing... and that I couldn't bear such a thing (heaven help me, am looking at a month w/o loading also). I asked my sister also about pride, and she reiterated that she didn't ask for it. And when I told her that men like that expect only one thing from 17-year olds (nope, definitely their virginity and not their older sister), my sister just gave me her I-can-handle-this-don't-worry look.
Which also brings me to another point... why is it a prevalent thing now, guys giving load to stranger girls? How much of a loser are they? I mean, I can understand friends or siginificant others doing such... but... spending money on girls who are obviously just using you?
Anyway, my sister isn't as conservative as I think she was. Lolz, she even told me that I should accept it if am given a load by some guy someday.
I just frustrated the girl by suggesting that she get a henna tattoo on her lower back, so she'd look more ravishing in my bathing suit. Of course, she wants one now.. and has no idea whewre to get one.
Sisters.
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Guys and labskis.... read this
Don't embarrass your labski (read: ME) and appear as if I haven't taught you anything... goodness, it's sooo non-academic, this query.
Don't embarrass your labski (read: ME) and appear as if I haven't taught you anything... goodness, it's sooo non-academic, this query.
Shucks, am alone in our office.... what to do... what to do...
I'm feeling all kinds of horny after my massage... had I only owned a webcam, guys would have been tortured. Promise. Am THAT horny... arggghhhhhh
I'm feeling all kinds of horny after my massage... had I only owned a webcam, guys would have been tortured. Promise. Am THAT horny... arggghhhhhh
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
My sister graduated from high school today.
Nope, she didn't do it with honors, she wasn't really as into academics as I was.
But i'm very proud of her. The number one baby in my life is fast growing up. She's recently been hurt when her bf broke up with her. I know that upset her studies and her self-esteem more than she'd cared to admit. And the nine years that separate us seems all the more bridged now that we become more and more friends.
Through her, I went through the rites of passage twice... through her, I was able to continually visit a childhood and innocence that may have been long gone. Through her, faith in the not knowing has oftentimes helped me deal with my own problems.
I can still remember when she first told me she was going out with a lesbian, explaining that no boy could give her the kind of caring she needed.. and how devastated I was, and how scared, and how sad that I couldn't protect her from the realities of the world.
And that one time when we had our worst fight ever, when she used a cuss word on me, and I pushed her down to a chair.. and she made as if to slap me. We've always had a problem with our tempers, but I couldn't deal with the fact that the person whom I loved best and who I helped raise would disrespect me so blatantly then. Of course, we made up. Of course, silly me, I was full of pride. And as always, living up to her name, she was the one who initiated peace.
Her name is Grace... and ever since, she's been blessed with that...
People would often say how kind and gracious I can be... but they've never met my sister. Lolz... just recently, she's asked me to buy Anmum for my brother's gestating gf. Isn't she sweet?
In one seminar I attended, we were told that a mentor is someone who inspires change in you. She's always made me want to be a better version of myself. She's my mentor. And again, I love her best.
Nope, she didn't do it with honors, she wasn't really as into academics as I was.
But i'm very proud of her. The number one baby in my life is fast growing up. She's recently been hurt when her bf broke up with her. I know that upset her studies and her self-esteem more than she'd cared to admit. And the nine years that separate us seems all the more bridged now that we become more and more friends.
Through her, I went through the rites of passage twice... through her, I was able to continually visit a childhood and innocence that may have been long gone. Through her, faith in the not knowing has oftentimes helped me deal with my own problems.
I can still remember when she first told me she was going out with a lesbian, explaining that no boy could give her the kind of caring she needed.. and how devastated I was, and how scared, and how sad that I couldn't protect her from the realities of the world.
And that one time when we had our worst fight ever, when she used a cuss word on me, and I pushed her down to a chair.. and she made as if to slap me. We've always had a problem with our tempers, but I couldn't deal with the fact that the person whom I loved best and who I helped raise would disrespect me so blatantly then. Of course, we made up. Of course, silly me, I was full of pride. And as always, living up to her name, she was the one who initiated peace.
Her name is Grace... and ever since, she's been blessed with that...
People would often say how kind and gracious I can be... but they've never met my sister. Lolz... just recently, she's asked me to buy Anmum for my brother's gestating gf. Isn't she sweet?
In one seminar I attended, we were told that a mentor is someone who inspires change in you. She's always made me want to be a better version of myself. She's my mentor. And again, I love her best.
was reactin to jonathan's blog... decided to add my reply in mine :)
> i never kissed (ay mali) had sex with another woman
> i've never been out of the country
> i've never been married or pregnant
> i've never been innocent methinks
> i've never tried to commit suicide, but i've kinda prayed for death for so many times while growing up
> i've never made a play for a friend's beau (unless you count the stupid guy i once met with to get him away from a friend)
> i've never seduced any guy yet
> i've never engaged in anal sex or outright sado-masochism
> i've never been turned on by sh!t
> i've never crossed a manila busy street naked... haven't even run around naked (unless you count what i do in my room)
> i've never been able to observe perfect grammar rules
*~*
finally got my site unblocked from work... only to still be unable to comment back since it's temporarily down... argghhhh
> i never kissed (ay mali) had sex with another woman
> i've never been out of the country
> i've never been married or pregnant
> i've never been innocent methinks
> i've never tried to commit suicide, but i've kinda prayed for death for so many times while growing up
> i've never made a play for a friend's beau (unless you count the stupid guy i once met with to get him away from a friend)
> i've never seduced any guy yet
> i've never engaged in anal sex or outright sado-masochism
> i've never been turned on by sh!t
> i've never crossed a manila busy street naked... haven't even run around naked (unless you count what i do in my room)
> i've never been able to observe perfect grammar rules
*~*
finally got my site unblocked from work... only to still be unable to comment back since it's temporarily down... argghhhh
Oh, you probably won't remember me,
its probably ancient history.
I'm one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell for you.
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch,
I fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have
some advice to give, on how to be
insensitive
how could i have bloody forgotten this song....
its probably ancient history.
I'm one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell for you.
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch,
I fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have
some advice to give, on how to be
insensitive
how could i have bloody forgotten this song....
Sunday, March 23, 2003
I ate a pint of ice cream after getting home last night at past 10, after watching Chicago with climber friends. And after watching said movie, it felt right killing jerks in the guise of men.
*~*
Had this weird dream that two of my high school friends were fighting over one man. And in the middle of the dream, my family and I ate at this exclusive restaurant overlooking the sea, and when I was enjoying the view from the big picture window, I looked down to see 14-16 year old girls naked and frolicking in a private pool and jacuzzi downstairs. The bad thing was, to the left of the pool, a girl was teaching two other girls how to induce vomiting. Anorexia and Bulimia came to mind.
*~*
Went dancing at Padi's Timog last Saturday night with friends. We were suposed to just booze the night away but I suggested the place since MTC was holding an EB there. Met some of them but didn't really hang out with them much, since I was with my climber friends. It was kinda bitin coz I only danced for like, 2 hours.
Again, poles do not help in making me behave. Ledges too. Cages too.
*~*
Some climber friends and I were discussing relationships. One guy pal had the audacity to tell me i'm wrong to assume that whoever partner i'd get that will not be a mountaineer, will also not understand my being a mountaineer. He also added that climbing would just be a source of conflict for us.
It's sad that people readily assume that i'd settle for a person who will not suport my passions. It's sad and irritating to know that people don't know me enough, and therefore, trust my judgment enough to assume that I will get and marry a guy who will make me stop doing something i've loved doing even before I met him, and that he'd be narrow-minded to get jealous of my climber friends.
Sure, it happens a lot. I know that. But it still boils down to the choices you make. If you choose to stay in a relationship where you'd have to stifle some of your hobbies (especially something like mountaineering, as opposed to say, orgies), then it's your choice and you'd suffer the consequences. And if you get unhappy by it, you still brought it upon yourself.
I would really hope for an athletic partner. And I won't mind scaling mountains with him and our future kids someday. But I really don't want him to be a fellow in the same org. There are enough other things to do on earth that he could share with me instead.
*~*
Had this weird dream that two of my high school friends were fighting over one man. And in the middle of the dream, my family and I ate at this exclusive restaurant overlooking the sea, and when I was enjoying the view from the big picture window, I looked down to see 14-16 year old girls naked and frolicking in a private pool and jacuzzi downstairs. The bad thing was, to the left of the pool, a girl was teaching two other girls how to induce vomiting. Anorexia and Bulimia came to mind.
*~*
Went dancing at Padi's Timog last Saturday night with friends. We were suposed to just booze the night away but I suggested the place since MTC was holding an EB there. Met some of them but didn't really hang out with them much, since I was with my climber friends. It was kinda bitin coz I only danced for like, 2 hours.
Again, poles do not help in making me behave. Ledges too. Cages too.
*~*
Some climber friends and I were discussing relationships. One guy pal had the audacity to tell me i'm wrong to assume that whoever partner i'd get that will not be a mountaineer, will also not understand my being a mountaineer. He also added that climbing would just be a source of conflict for us.
It's sad that people readily assume that i'd settle for a person who will not suport my passions. It's sad and irritating to know that people don't know me enough, and therefore, trust my judgment enough to assume that I will get and marry a guy who will make me stop doing something i've loved doing even before I met him, and that he'd be narrow-minded to get jealous of my climber friends.
Sure, it happens a lot. I know that. But it still boils down to the choices you make. If you choose to stay in a relationship where you'd have to stifle some of your hobbies (especially something like mountaineering, as opposed to say, orgies), then it's your choice and you'd suffer the consequences. And if you get unhappy by it, you still brought it upon yourself.
I would really hope for an athletic partner. And I won't mind scaling mountains with him and our future kids someday. But I really don't want him to be a fellow in the same org. There are enough other things to do on earth that he could share with me instead.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
My Mom left a message for my dad. Her note read:
"Senior, please pay the Meralco bill, love, Commander In Chief"
Actually, my dad calls my mom, Doña. And it just made me smile this morning to know how far my parents' marriage have gone. They've just recently celebrated their 26th anniversary and I still cannot help but thank God for the same thing again and again: that my parents were among those people who were brave enough and committed enough to see a marriage through.
Not every parent can say that about themselves. Not every person from my generation will have the same success.
And again, the realization that I have been a product of successful and prevailing unions from both sides of my family makes me more committed to be as wise, brave, enduring, committed and hopeful.
"Senior, please pay the Meralco bill, love, Commander In Chief"
Actually, my dad calls my mom, Doña. And it just made me smile this morning to know how far my parents' marriage have gone. They've just recently celebrated their 26th anniversary and I still cannot help but thank God for the same thing again and again: that my parents were among those people who were brave enough and committed enough to see a marriage through.
Not every parent can say that about themselves. Not every person from my generation will have the same success.
And again, the realization that I have been a product of successful and prevailing unions from both sides of my family makes me more committed to be as wise, brave, enduring, committed and hopeful.
ONE HOUR. In one hour, Iraq may be bombarded with destruction from the thousands of American troops waiting to be deployed and start the war. Saddam has only one hour left to surrender and agree to being exiled. Then again, if he gave away some 7 million arms/guns/whatever to civilians so they can protect themselves, I guess that's clear enough indication that Iraq is not scared to go to war.
*~*~*~*
Gee... to realize that Bush's dreams isn't to follow in his Dad's footsteps, but to be a better fool than Nixon ever was. I wonder how much the Americans are re-thinking that other guy, was it Gore?
*~*~*~*
America didn't win the Vietnam War. I don't think they will win this one either.
*~*~*~*
It also just goes to show how conceited and arrogant Americans can be. Thier govenrment can be responsible for mass destruction elsewhere, but you can't bomb them. Oh no, not them. They're supposed to be invincible. They're supposed to be elite. They're supposed to be exempted. They're supposed to not feel threatened or scared. And in pursuit of these shoulds, they are willing to have thousands of men killed in battle, and thousands others to be made orphans.
And I know that not all Americans share the same vanity. Still, I can't help but beg the question, if they're really so civilized, why are they willing to sacrifice thousands of lives? Where is the humanity in that?
*~*~*~*
On the other hand, is there really hope that such an act of bravado would rid the world of terrorism?
*~*~*~*
ISHMAEL the gorilla (from the book of the same title) said that life has it's own way of balancing things out. For every person, there is enough resource. But a group of people can have much more than their share. It only means though that another group of people will have to live without. And if the world senses an imbalance between its resources and its users, it does what it does best. It takes away life. Usually, these happen by way of natural disasters. And then, there's hunger and poverty and corruption in Africa and Latin America. I'm just wondering if the impending war is another way life has employed to balance things out.
*~*~*~*
Gee... to realize that Bush's dreams isn't to follow in his Dad's footsteps, but to be a better fool than Nixon ever was. I wonder how much the Americans are re-thinking that other guy, was it Gore?
*~*~*~*
America didn't win the Vietnam War. I don't think they will win this one either.
*~*~*~*
It also just goes to show how conceited and arrogant Americans can be. Thier govenrment can be responsible for mass destruction elsewhere, but you can't bomb them. Oh no, not them. They're supposed to be invincible. They're supposed to be elite. They're supposed to be exempted. They're supposed to not feel threatened or scared. And in pursuit of these shoulds, they are willing to have thousands of men killed in battle, and thousands others to be made orphans.
And I know that not all Americans share the same vanity. Still, I can't help but beg the question, if they're really so civilized, why are they willing to sacrifice thousands of lives? Where is the humanity in that?
*~*~*~*
On the other hand, is there really hope that such an act of bravado would rid the world of terrorism?
*~*~*~*
ISHMAEL the gorilla (from the book of the same title) said that life has it's own way of balancing things out. For every person, there is enough resource. But a group of people can have much more than their share. It only means though that another group of people will have to live without. And if the world senses an imbalance between its resources and its users, it does what it does best. It takes away life. Usually, these happen by way of natural disasters. And then, there's hunger and poverty and corruption in Africa and Latin America. I'm just wondering if the impending war is another way life has employed to balance things out.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
If the war breaks.... I might be 'forced' to end my celibacy.... wonder who the top 3 guys on my list would be....hmm....
How about you guys? Who would you wanna make love to/have sex with if the world, as we know it, ends this month?
(i know this may sound insensitive to the real worry of impending war, but there's already a lot being said about that, and i don't want to dwell on it until it's actually here)
How about you guys? Who would you wanna make love to/have sex with if the world, as we know it, ends this month?
(i know this may sound insensitive to the real worry of impending war, but there's already a lot being said about that, and i don't want to dwell on it until it's actually here)
Monday, March 17, 2003
A friend gave me this CD i'm playing..... ironically enough, it's like a summary of what happened to me and my dearest, featuring songs like I Will Survive, If I'm Not In LOve with You, Cruisin' .... and the following songs...
This was the song I was singing some 2 years ago... when I opened my heart to you...
This is the one i'm singing to you now...
This is empowering me to do the above...
*~*
Blame it on the rain that was falling, falling
Blame it on the stars that didn't shine that night
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
This was the song I was singing some 2 years ago... when I opened my heart to you...
This is the one i'm singing to you now...
This is empowering me to do the above...
*~*
Blame it on the rain that was falling, falling
Blame it on the stars that didn't shine that night
Whatever you do don't put the blame on you
Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
AFTER ALL
By: Gary Valenciano
I asked her for a smile
She couldn’t, I don’t know why
Could it be that it’s all over?
Such a short love affair,
I feel it’s so unfair
But what must I do
To keep this love, oh so true
I feel we should go on,
Coz I can still feel the fire’s warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on…
I’ll be standing here even though it’s through
I’ll have a space in my heart for you
I don’t know how I’ll fake it,
And I doubt if I can make it….
And if you came to realize,
Just turn and look into my eyes,
For then you’d come to know
That it was me after all….
You know we still have time,
It’s not too late to change your mind,
Why must we end it?
I feel we should go on,
Coz I can still feel the fire’s warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on…..
This was the break-up song my GLD dedicated to me the first time we broke up... heard it on the radio yesterday....
*~*~*~*
...... Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story....
By: Gary Valenciano
I asked her for a smile
She couldn’t, I don’t know why
Could it be that it’s all over?
Such a short love affair,
I feel it’s so unfair
But what must I do
To keep this love, oh so true
I feel we should go on,
Coz I can still feel the fire’s warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on…
I’ll be standing here even though it’s through
I’ll have a space in my heart for you
I don’t know how I’ll fake it,
And I doubt if I can make it….
And if you came to realize,
Just turn and look into my eyes,
For then you’d come to know
That it was me after all….
You know we still have time,
It’s not too late to change your mind,
Why must we end it?
I feel we should go on,
Coz I can still feel the fire’s warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on…..
This was the break-up song my GLD dedicated to me the first time we broke up... heard it on the radio yesterday....
*~*~*~*
...... Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story....
I remember, back in college, and Philippines is still experiencing a rainy season, me and my friends would be found wading in flood waters to walk from our school to P. Gil LRT station. We didn't really have a choice then, none of us had a car, and taxis and jeepneys usually only get stuck on the streets anyway... so walking in murky water with unidentifiable/unimaginable floating objects it is.
One time, as we were walking huddled close because it's cold and raining and none of us really had an umbrella... I was hollering to my alter-ego, Allee, to take care because she might fall in a manhole. Suddenly, I felt myself falling and the first thought that came to mind was... ""What the hell, i'm shrinking!!!!". It took me several moments to realize that my left leg was halfway through a manhole already!!! Imagine the laughter that ensued from my gang... while passersby thought I collapsed.
And I dunno why I thought of that incident... but ahhh, we really had good times then, my friends and I.
*~*~*~*
After more than 25 years of existence and wondering, life saw it fit to finally let me see something... err... weird. When I opened the gate to our compound last night, I was stupefied to see... a TOM humping a TABBY. Yes, folks... I believe i'm one of the few privileged enough to actually saw cats making love. And though it felt atrocious, because i've only actually seen dogs do it... oh and yeah, turtles on TV... it was uhm, also err, nice to know that a cat humps with more finesse than a dog. In fact, being true to feline qualities, he does it slowly and purposely.
One time, as we were walking huddled close because it's cold and raining and none of us really had an umbrella... I was hollering to my alter-ego, Allee, to take care because she might fall in a manhole. Suddenly, I felt myself falling and the first thought that came to mind was... ""What the hell, i'm shrinking!!!!". It took me several moments to realize that my left leg was halfway through a manhole already!!! Imagine the laughter that ensued from my gang... while passersby thought I collapsed.
And I dunno why I thought of that incident... but ahhh, we really had good times then, my friends and I.
*~*~*~*
After more than 25 years of existence and wondering, life saw it fit to finally let me see something... err... weird. When I opened the gate to our compound last night, I was stupefied to see... a TOM humping a TABBY. Yes, folks... I believe i'm one of the few privileged enough to actually saw cats making love. And though it felt atrocious, because i've only actually seen dogs do it... oh and yeah, turtles on TV... it was uhm, also err, nice to know that a cat humps with more finesse than a dog. In fact, being true to feline qualities, he does it slowly and purposely.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
JAY, the picture didn't turn out to be as sexy and revealing as I wanted, but here it is anyway for your consumption. Lolz, you just have to use a lot of imagination though.
*~*~*~*
A jerk had the audacity to e-mail me, detailing what he intends to to me when I meet with him. I put emphasis on the word WHEN because he sounded like am a sure deal and it's just a matter of when we'd be living out his fantasies.
I am sorely tempted to copy-paste-post his e-mail to amuse you guys and to justify why, even if I had been the kind of girl who sleeps around with just anybody, I found him too lame to be with me.
And when I cutely turned down his offer, the jerk had the gall to call me a HYPOCRITE and that I most probably want sex more than he does and that he's only offering himself for MY OWN GOOD.
And dang, what defense could there be to such conceit?
*~*~*~*
On a related matter.... the guy I am talking about there committed two very big boo-boos and I want my guy friends to learn from his mistake.
1) He wrote about immediately coming AFTER I come. So, my dear labskis, if you're propositioning a sexually-healthy girl like me, please do not promise her just one orgasm. I mean, pleeeease, you just really have no right to come without giving a woman several trips to heaven first. Ugh.
2) He wrote about saying "I love you" to me after the orgasms. Please.... if it's just going to be an SEB, stick to the basics, which are: meeting, connecting, f*cking, cleaning up, saying goodbye and being discreet. Let's not use the L word sooo loosely. Sure, you can say that you fell in love with the woman's body, or any specific part of her... but that's it!!! Ok?
*~*~*~*
A jerk had the audacity to e-mail me, detailing what he intends to to me when I meet with him. I put emphasis on the word WHEN because he sounded like am a sure deal and it's just a matter of when we'd be living out his fantasies.
I am sorely tempted to copy-paste-post his e-mail to amuse you guys and to justify why, even if I had been the kind of girl who sleeps around with just anybody, I found him too lame to be with me.
And when I cutely turned down his offer, the jerk had the gall to call me a HYPOCRITE and that I most probably want sex more than he does and that he's only offering himself for MY OWN GOOD.
And dang, what defense could there be to such conceit?
*~*~*~*
On a related matter.... the guy I am talking about there committed two very big boo-boos and I want my guy friends to learn from his mistake.
1) He wrote about immediately coming AFTER I come. So, my dear labskis, if you're propositioning a sexually-healthy girl like me, please do not promise her just one orgasm. I mean, pleeeease, you just really have no right to come without giving a woman several trips to heaven first. Ugh.
2) He wrote about saying "I love you" to me after the orgasms. Please.... if it's just going to be an SEB, stick to the basics, which are: meeting, connecting, f*cking, cleaning up, saying goodbye and being discreet. Let's not use the L word sooo loosely. Sure, you can say that you fell in love with the woman's body, or any specific part of her... but that's it!!! Ok?
One of the bigger shocks of my life was.... when I realized, at age 13, that a man doesn't insert his penis in a woman's urethra... and that babies don't come out of there either....
Yeah.. that was when I found out I had a vagina. And that pleasure and pain will be coming through there.
(addendum: Please do not misconstrue the above post as my first time to finger myself or let some others do it to me... or that I already engaged in sexual encounters at that age... I had my first period then, and you know, you wash yourself and all when you have a period... lolz... of course, guys can't relate... but oh, anyway)
Yeah.. that was when I found out I had a vagina. And that pleasure and pain will be coming through there.
(addendum: Please do not misconstrue the above post as my first time to finger myself or let some others do it to me... or that I already engaged in sexual encounters at that age... I had my first period then, and you know, you wash yourself and all when you have a period... lolz... of course, guys can't relate... but oh, anyway)
Saturday, March 15, 2003
This song has been so hounding me since the Makiling climb.... i read it in magazines, in blogs, hear it in conversations and the radio.... sigh....
*~*~*~*~*
Wonder how a guy would feel about being blindfolded and tied up... before you give him a blow job... I mean, will it make a difference that he can't see which part of your mouth you're using, and which part of his uhm, sensitive regions you're gonna be diving at... and that he cannot push your head so he'd go deeper inside your mouth... etc..
*~*~*~*~*
Wonder how a guy would feel about being blindfolded and tied up... before you give him a blow job... I mean, will it make a difference that he can't see which part of your mouth you're using, and which part of his uhm, sensitive regions you're gonna be diving at... and that he cannot push your head so he'd go deeper inside your mouth... etc..
Friday, March 14, 2003
I should really be sleeping now... but thoughts of masturbation get in the way of sleep... so am here, blogging, chatting, and weirdly excited to see my pamangkins.......
*~*~*~
Guys... even girls.. would sometimes message me to say how AMAZED they are and IMPRESSED by my experiences... when honestly, it's not really that I had a greater percentage of libido... or that i've been more ADVENTUROUS... I just really happen to be vocal... and I don't have a problem about discussing SEX and everything related to it..
I guess, things obtain a greater degree of existence when they're written down...
*~*~*~
Guys... even girls.. would sometimes message me to say how AMAZED they are and IMPRESSED by my experiences... when honestly, it's not really that I had a greater percentage of libido... or that i've been more ADVENTUROUS... I just really happen to be vocal... and I don't have a problem about discussing SEX and everything related to it..
I guess, things obtain a greater degree of existence when they're written down...
Thursday, March 13, 2003
i am woman...
.. hear me moan
.. have me beg
.. watch me surrender
.. feel my warmth
*~*~*~*
The curse and blessing of my life. I've always been loved by men. By no means should anybody reading this go pounding on my door and slap me on the face with the fact that I pretty much look, taste, sound, feel and smell average... believe me people, I am aware of that fact. I know that the most I can look is cute or photogenic. I know i'm no Mother Theresa....or Marie Curie either.
As I type on my keyboard tonight, I can honestly say that three other men are lying on their beds, ready to marry me... because they love me.
And that has always been the case. A man may start out just lusting over me, but chances are, he would fall in love.
And i'm not saying every man falls in love with me. Of course not.
But i've never been without. And so, i've always been in one form of commitment after another. And so, i've always felt guilty that I owe all of them some sort of allegiance/devotion for loving me. And so, I also keep getting scared that i've used up my quota of loving men in my life and there would be nobody else to look forward to. And so, I always feel like a bad person for not being able to always return the love being offered me.
And though I have not really whiled away nights crying because no one wants me, or that I was rejected by a loved one... it's also hard to be spending so many nights wondering how deeply I have hurt someone.... or how long it would take for him to recover... and what does it make me to win a heart, then have my own heart change......
And so, when I say I'm bad... my own personal history and the many men i've inadvertently hurt... will be proof enough.... to mean am telling the truth.
.. hear me moan
.. have me beg
.. watch me surrender
.. feel my warmth
*~*~*~*
The curse and blessing of my life. I've always been loved by men. By no means should anybody reading this go pounding on my door and slap me on the face with the fact that I pretty much look, taste, sound, feel and smell average... believe me people, I am aware of that fact. I know that the most I can look is cute or photogenic. I know i'm no Mother Theresa....or Marie Curie either.
As I type on my keyboard tonight, I can honestly say that three other men are lying on their beds, ready to marry me... because they love me.
And that has always been the case. A man may start out just lusting over me, but chances are, he would fall in love.
And i'm not saying every man falls in love with me. Of course not.
But i've never been without. And so, i've always been in one form of commitment after another. And so, i've always felt guilty that I owe all of them some sort of allegiance/devotion for loving me. And so, I also keep getting scared that i've used up my quota of loving men in my life and there would be nobody else to look forward to. And so, I always feel like a bad person for not being able to always return the love being offered me.
And though I have not really whiled away nights crying because no one wants me, or that I was rejected by a loved one... it's also hard to be spending so many nights wondering how deeply I have hurt someone.... or how long it would take for him to recover... and what does it make me to win a heart, then have my own heart change......
And so, when I say I'm bad... my own personal history and the many men i've inadvertently hurt... will be proof enough.... to mean am telling the truth.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
First of all, I would like to thank LEAH for such a wonderful surprise that really, really brightened my otherwise headachy, feverish week....
*~*~*
Women's Day found me wheezing between Makiling's Forestry and Nursery Trail.. and then between Mudspring and Peak 2.
Anyway, a part of me scoffs at the obviously un-genuine and commercialized hype about March being Women's Month. Then again, when you consider how women in other countries cannot even wear sleeveless tops... or get their clits cut off, or their necks elongated... and how atrocious rapes are done over and over again to Middle East women... or how education is deprived them... you cannot help but thank HEAVENS for making you a Filipina... a girl who enjoys mostly the same rights as the men, in a setting still filled with family values and traditions upholding morality...
*~*~*
Women's Month... and here I am, wondering where to find the perfect swimsuit that would not showcase the stretch marks I got from the weight gain and that would also be within my budget.... and no, am not fretting because I'm super insecure still of my body, I just really wanna be flaunting what i've got. I didn't really do it when I was in Boaracay. And it's high time I f***in do it. I'd be turning 26 already!!!
*~*~*
I was getting worried that being sick didn't bring with it the customary horniness that I usually experience... well, no need to wonder anymore, because it was just delayed....
And of course, it's now adding to my headache.
*~*~*
Women's Day found me wheezing between Makiling's Forestry and Nursery Trail.. and then between Mudspring and Peak 2.
Anyway, a part of me scoffs at the obviously un-genuine and commercialized hype about March being Women's Month. Then again, when you consider how women in other countries cannot even wear sleeveless tops... or get their clits cut off, or their necks elongated... and how atrocious rapes are done over and over again to Middle East women... or how education is deprived them... you cannot help but thank HEAVENS for making you a Filipina... a girl who enjoys mostly the same rights as the men, in a setting still filled with family values and traditions upholding morality...
*~*~*
Women's Month... and here I am, wondering where to find the perfect swimsuit that would not showcase the stretch marks I got from the weight gain and that would also be within my budget.... and no, am not fretting because I'm super insecure still of my body, I just really wanna be flaunting what i've got. I didn't really do it when I was in Boaracay. And it's high time I f***in do it. I'd be turning 26 already!!!
*~*~*
I was getting worried that being sick didn't bring with it the customary horniness that I usually experience... well, no need to wonder anymore, because it was just delayed....
And of course, it's now adding to my headache.
Monday, March 10, 2003
FIRST PAGE OF CONSOLIDATED TEXT ME, I'LL TASTE YOU REPLIES I POSTED...
imagine me naked, wet...on a plate....w/ whipped cream and honey all over my body....ready to be eaten....
just texting to tell you that i long to be enveloped by your softness....penetrated by your hardness
darling, am sure you'll be happy
to be in my arms
in my heart
in my mind
in my mouth
how do you want me to suck you?
i wanna know
what turns you on...
it's cold and i just want you to remember what happens to nipples when it's cold...
reminder: one of your body parts would be happy inside my mouth
...i just want to tell you that you're the most wonderful thing that has happened to me since masturbation...
vocabulary words for the day: sweat, moan, lick, nipples, wet, squirm, suck, control...
ey, i love doggies....hoping u love pussies
pssst........WET DREAMS ARE MADE OF ME
you're not the only one who squirts, you know...
wanted: someone to shoot pictures while i pose naked
"being really wet now, i don't need a lover, just a LICKER.....and ok, a SUCKER would also do just as well"
"am not wearing anything under my uniform..." (june 4 2002)
what's the point of having sex with someone if, after it, you can still see and walk straight?
"no undies under my uniform...again..." (june 07, 2002)
(dunno how i get away with this)
"i wanna be gyrating on top of you"
...and i will always want the flood that would ensue
when i stimulate, lick and suck you...
...u say u miss me, but what do you miss?
is it my lips? my nipples? or the spread of my legs?
or is it my lips and my nipples drawing circles on your body?
ahh, i bet it's my butt begging you to hump me...
imagine me naked, wet...on a plate....w/ whipped cream and honey all over my body....ready to be eaten....
just texting to tell you that i long to be enveloped by your softness....penetrated by your hardness
darling, am sure you'll be happy
to be in my arms
in my heart
in my mind
in my mouth
how do you want me to suck you?
i wanna know
what turns you on...
it's cold and i just want you to remember what happens to nipples when it's cold...
reminder: one of your body parts would be happy inside my mouth
...i just want to tell you that you're the most wonderful thing that has happened to me since masturbation...
vocabulary words for the day: sweat, moan, lick, nipples, wet, squirm, suck, control...
ey, i love doggies....hoping u love pussies
pssst........WET DREAMS ARE MADE OF ME
you're not the only one who squirts, you know...
wanted: someone to shoot pictures while i pose naked
"being really wet now, i don't need a lover, just a LICKER.....and ok, a SUCKER would also do just as well"
"am not wearing anything under my uniform..." (june 4 2002)
what's the point of having sex with someone if, after it, you can still see and walk straight?
"no undies under my uniform...again..." (june 07, 2002)
(dunno how i get away with this)
"i wanna be gyrating on top of you"
...and i will always want the flood that would ensue
when i stimulate, lick and suck you...
...u say u miss me, but what do you miss?
is it my lips? my nipples? or the spread of my legs?
or is it my lips and my nipples drawing circles on your body?
ahh, i bet it's my butt begging you to hump me...
How can the same love that made me so happy
Make me so sad, I don’t understand
How could the same eyes that used to be laughin’
Cry in the night, it doesn’t seem right at all
- Same Love, The Jets
*~*~*~*~
I'm so horribly sick. And i'm so horribly depressed. And both aren't helping me to be productive at work. Sigh.
Make me so sad, I don’t understand
How could the same eyes that used to be laughin’
Cry in the night, it doesn’t seem right at all
- Same Love, The Jets
*~*~*~*~
I'm so horribly sick. And i'm so horribly depressed. And both aren't helping me to be productive at work. Sigh.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
Last Saturday night, while I was walking along a dirt road, alone and without a flashlight to guide my way.... I was still, nonetheless, accompanied. Somehow. Somehow.
Weird, when you have a flashlight in the dark, you're always looking down on the road. And the road ahead. But in the dark of night without an artificial light to guide my way, I found myself looking up at the sky... using where the trees from both sides of the road meet up above to assure me that i'm in the safest side of the road... I found that symbolic of faith and surrender...
Decided to sing a Gary V. song, "Take me out of the dark"
And realized, back in college when I was most distressed, confused and lost... I sang the same tune... And was delivered from the dark indeed.
And then I saw them... fireflies hovering up ahead. And my heart was free. My steps were light. And I arrived safely back at camp.
Weird, when you have a flashlight in the dark, you're always looking down on the road. And the road ahead. But in the dark of night without an artificial light to guide my way, I found myself looking up at the sky... using where the trees from both sides of the road meet up above to assure me that i'm in the safest side of the road... I found that symbolic of faith and surrender...
Decided to sing a Gary V. song, "Take me out of the dark"
And realized, back in college when I was most distressed, confused and lost... I sang the same tune... And was delivered from the dark indeed.
And then I saw them... fireflies hovering up ahead. And my heart was free. My steps were light. And I arrived safely back at camp.
So we're ok, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
Did anybody miss me here?
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
Did anybody miss me here?
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Posts in pex you guys MIGHT enjoy.... sorry kasi am uninspired...
GIRL ON TOP ONE
girl, gyrating on top, leaning backwards a little and moaning and moaning while squeezing guy.... and coming and coming....with the guy feeling her warm juices flow down his groin area...wetting his balls.....
GIRL ON TOP TWO
girl on top of guy.....sitting on his face.... getting judiciously tongue f*cked.... gyrating..... screaming for more.... pushing more and more of her clit and her c*nt into the man's mouth..... with her juices happily flowing down to the man's eager mouth... only to be slurped....licked....sucked.... with her thighs clamping the man's face.....getting royally eaten....and eaten....with the girl's arms extended behind her......masturbating the guy....squeezing his pecker and playing with his base...his balls......getting lost in the sensations from her groin area...... begging for more.....begging for more.....
GIRL ON TOP ONE
girl, gyrating on top, leaning backwards a little and moaning and moaning while squeezing guy.... and coming and coming....with the guy feeling her warm juices flow down his groin area...wetting his balls.....
GIRL ON TOP TWO
girl on top of guy.....sitting on his face.... getting judiciously tongue f*cked.... gyrating..... screaming for more.... pushing more and more of her clit and her c*nt into the man's mouth..... with her juices happily flowing down to the man's eager mouth... only to be slurped....licked....sucked.... with her thighs clamping the man's face.....getting royally eaten....and eaten....with the girl's arms extended behind her......masturbating the guy....squeezing his pecker and playing with his base...his balls......getting lost in the sensations from her groin area...... begging for more.....begging for more.....
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
FUNNY
i was never sure of the love
and i never heard the words
i never secured promises
i was never committed to
i had to humble myself
and argue for your attention
and time
and effort
i was never deemed
worthy of love,
worthy of respect
worthy of trust
i was never even given a chance
to fight for what could be mine
actually, i never knew
that i had anything of you
and now, i'm made to feel
that i never really mattered
and never had worth
never had weight
in your visions of the future
what's worse
i'm being punished
not for my inaction
or lack of involvement
but because of it
funny
i have to re-define
love again
(yes guys, am very, very upset!)
i was never sure of the love
and i never heard the words
i never secured promises
i was never committed to
i had to humble myself
and argue for your attention
and time
and effort
i was never deemed
worthy of love,
worthy of respect
worthy of trust
i was never even given a chance
to fight for what could be mine
actually, i never knew
that i had anything of you
and now, i'm made to feel
that i never really mattered
and never had worth
never had weight
in your visions of the future
what's worse
i'm being punished
not for my inaction
or lack of involvement
but because of it
funny
i have to re-define
love again
(yes guys, am very, very upset!)
Sabi ko na, dati pa.... kung naging matimtimang birhen lang ako, dati mo pa ako ginawang nobya mo.
Sabi ko na dati pa... hindi mo ako talaga kayang mahalin kasi nga, may pagka-malandi ako... may pagka-manyak.. paano mo naman nga ako ipagmamalaki sa angkan mo... wala nang itsura, parang wala pang moral...
Sabi ko na, masasaktan lang ako... aasa lang sa wala... kaso sakin kasi noon, pag mahal mo ang isang tao, mahal mo sya talaga... kasi yung tao ang minamahal mo, hindi yung isang parte ng katawan nya, o yung isang karanasan nya, o yung mga naging desisyon nya noong wala ka pa sa buhay nya... basta, yung tao yung minamahal mo... yung tao yung pag-aalayan mo ng mga pangarap mo... ng kinabukasan mo.. ng kaligayahan mo...
Ngayon, eto ako, umiiyak. Hindi naman makuhang magtampong hindi mo naipaglaban kung sino ako... kasi iniisip ko, hindi mo naman nga obligasyon. Sino nga ba naman ako? Kaibigan lang, diba? Kaibigan lang....
Mahal mo man ako... pero kaibigan pa rin lang....
Sabi ko na dati pa... hindi mo ako talaga kayang mahalin kasi nga, may pagka-malandi ako... may pagka-manyak.. paano mo naman nga ako ipagmamalaki sa angkan mo... wala nang itsura, parang wala pang moral...
Sabi ko na, masasaktan lang ako... aasa lang sa wala... kaso sakin kasi noon, pag mahal mo ang isang tao, mahal mo sya talaga... kasi yung tao ang minamahal mo, hindi yung isang parte ng katawan nya, o yung isang karanasan nya, o yung mga naging desisyon nya noong wala ka pa sa buhay nya... basta, yung tao yung minamahal mo... yung tao yung pag-aalayan mo ng mga pangarap mo... ng kinabukasan mo.. ng kaligayahan mo...
Ngayon, eto ako, umiiyak. Hindi naman makuhang magtampong hindi mo naipaglaban kung sino ako... kasi iniisip ko, hindi mo naman nga obligasyon. Sino nga ba naman ako? Kaibigan lang, diba? Kaibigan lang....
Mahal mo man ako... pero kaibigan pa rin lang....
Monday, March 03, 2003
Recent pic of me dressed up for a wedding.
This is me sans undies, at work.
Yeah, yeah.... am fatter in pics!
This is me sans undies, at work.
Yeah, yeah.... am fatter in pics!
You're the suggestive grin,mostly used while
flirting and accompanied by the come-hither
look.You're either an attention hog or way too
insecure to not be in the spotlight at all
times.No one can quite tell.Calm down and learn
to be regular,ya perv.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
-Bad- You're the exact opposite of what any guy
wants or needs, unless he happens to need a
quick lay. You're cruel. You toy with people.
You're probably a bitch, and i don't think i'd
like you if i met you. Oh go screw a random
male already.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
This is unbelievable and soooo not true... When am a girlfriend....I'm so committed ever!!!!!!!! Besides, I like watching TITANIC alone!!! And my smile is all kinds of cute kaya...Hmmpfff....
Went fun climbing over the weekend. We found ourselves at Aguila Beach Resort. Didn't bring swim gear though...
Anyway, weirdly enough, I was with two tall and thin girls who did hit the beach (only to join us at the shower room some ten minutes later because the water was so cold). And dang, the looks our men were giving them! And it was with a wistful, regretful, chagrined feeling that I watched them walking towards the sea. Dang, I miss my washboard tummy. I miss my thin self. I miss being able to wear sized-small clothes. I miss not having hips as wide as the Mississippi River.
And I was wondering if, vanity wise, I AM more good-looking before (where I used to look emaciated) or now that my hips are more fuller, my butt is more err... round....
And I cannot say that I was really envious of their bodies (lolz, the 'interested' looks from guys pa siguro!), and I can't say that I'm happy or unhappy with my current one....
Then it occurs to me that the strong female climbers in the group are the petite and thin ones... less body mass, i guess. And I know i'd never be that thin again (and am positive i'd look absolutely ugly if I ever lost the twenty pounds i've gained), but am kinda worried anyway.
And yeah, no point really in this post. I just really missed the body I learned to love and appreciate and was proud of for 23 years... and i'm still learning to love this bigger body for two years....
(people say that i'm getting toned up....so maybe i'd love that kind of bod for this year)
- senseless -
Anyway, weirdly enough, I was with two tall and thin girls who did hit the beach (only to join us at the shower room some ten minutes later because the water was so cold). And dang, the looks our men were giving them! And it was with a wistful, regretful, chagrined feeling that I watched them walking towards the sea. Dang, I miss my washboard tummy. I miss my thin self. I miss being able to wear sized-small clothes. I miss not having hips as wide as the Mississippi River.
And I was wondering if, vanity wise, I AM more good-looking before (where I used to look emaciated) or now that my hips are more fuller, my butt is more err... round....
And I cannot say that I was really envious of their bodies (lolz, the 'interested' looks from guys pa siguro!), and I can't say that I'm happy or unhappy with my current one....
Then it occurs to me that the strong female climbers in the group are the petite and thin ones... less body mass, i guess. And I know i'd never be that thin again (and am positive i'd look absolutely ugly if I ever lost the twenty pounds i've gained), but am kinda worried anyway.
And yeah, no point really in this post. I just really missed the body I learned to love and appreciate and was proud of for 23 years... and i'm still learning to love this bigger body for two years....
(people say that i'm getting toned up....so maybe i'd love that kind of bod for this year)
- senseless -
Sunday, March 02, 2003
It's 03-03-03
and all I can think of to post is this.... no matter how much a man loves you, when he craves flesh, even when he loves you, he'd just keep hankering and hankering for sex... even when the odds are against you wanting the same, or thinking of doing the same, etc.
and yeah, it won't necessary mean that the man loves you less.... but it's kinda upsetting to be a woman and reduced to a hole and bare legs in a bed.... by a man who supposedly loves you...
and all I can think of to post is this.... no matter how much a man loves you, when he craves flesh, even when he loves you, he'd just keep hankering and hankering for sex... even when the odds are against you wanting the same, or thinking of doing the same, etc.
and yeah, it won't necessary mean that the man loves you less.... but it's kinda upsetting to be a woman and reduced to a hole and bare legs in a bed.... by a man who supposedly loves you...
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