i am woman...

.. hear me moan

.. have me beg

.. watch me surrender

.. feel my warmth

*~*~*~*

The curse and blessing of my life. I've always been loved by men. By no means should anybody reading this go pounding on my door and slap me on the face with the fact that I pretty much look, taste, sound, feel and smell average... believe me people, I am aware of that fact. I know that the most I can look is cute or photogenic. I know i'm no Mother Theresa....or Marie Curie either.

As I type on my keyboard tonight, I can honestly say that three other men are lying on their beds, ready to marry me... because they love me.

And that has always been the case. A man may start out just lusting over me, but chances are, he would fall in love.

And i'm not saying every man falls in love with me. Of course not.

But i've never been without. And so, i've always been in one form of commitment after another. And so, i've always felt guilty that I owe all of them some sort of allegiance/devotion for loving me. And so, I also keep getting scared that i've used up my quota of loving men in my life and there would be nobody else to look forward to. And so, I always feel like a bad person for not being able to always return the love being offered me.

And though I have not really whiled away nights crying because no one wants me, or that I was rejected by a loved one... it's also hard to be spending so many nights wondering how deeply I have hurt someone.... or how long it would take for him to recover... and what does it make me to win a heart, then have my own heart change......

And so, when I say I'm bad... my own personal history and the many men i've inadvertently hurt... will be proof enough.... to mean am telling the truth.