2 Things I didn't like this week

One
Happiness was the first that came to mind when I found out that my brother's gf was pregnant. After all, it meant we're gonna have a baby in the house, finally! Then, it later sunk that i'd feel a little jealous because it wouldn't be my child that would be first to experience the overflowing and long-overdue affection from anticipating and waiting-to-be grandparents. But.. I reasoned, maybe this is what would heal my brother's issue about me (as th eldest) being the favored child. Besides, I already love the child even if I don't care much about its mother (we don't really know my brother's gf... she just sleeps here sometimes) or its father (he has greatly stressed me and caused problems in the family).

Then it started occurring to me... that my brother doesn't really love his gf. Sure, he cares for her. But he doesn't love her. How else can he lie to her about already having told our parents about the baby? And why does he insist on coming home late and turning his cell off? And why wasn't he a little bit concerned that his gf felt ill the other night (while I was panicking on what to do)? And since i've always known that there is a girl he really wishes he'd have (a girl who's working abroad). And I'm torn on whether I should do something to prevent their marriage (since chances are, it's what the girl's parents are going to ask from my parents). My brother reminds me very much of a close cousin who got someone pregnant and wouldn't even take care or hold his first baby. And I feel bad for my pamangkin, that his father couldn't have been a better man.

Two
MY Mom just got home and told me if I know this guy from Lipa. Turned out, my first real boyfriend (of two years) back when I was still in high school, tried to commit suicide. He was only saved becase someone found him (in time) hanging from a tree. I'm still in shock and i'm still very sad because he had to resort to such an act of....cowardice and failure. I want to talk to him. I think he may need to talk to me. And I worry that if he doesn't talk to someone, he might find himself hanging by the end of his rope again (no pun intended). And i'm sorry for the woman he married (a former Ate who seduced him from me using her body and her age) and his two kids. And as much as I have a pretty good idea on what led him to such a state of mind (rumors in the barrio fly high)... I'm still in shock. He's the first person in my life that I loved and cared about that did such a thing. Arrgghh..... I don't know what to think.

And i've forgiven him na for two-timing me before. And I thank him for still loving me somehow after all these years. And i'm thankful that he's chenged for the better for his family. And had he died, i'd always be haunted by our last meeting (it wasn't that significant, save for it being the last).

Am still in shock!