sharing.... stuff I included in my 'project' (the compilation of all my compositions up to Dec 2001)

NGO Journal Entry dated May 15, 1999

"Love begins with dreaming..."

You all know that there's this guy at the office who tried driving me crazy --- in the name of love?

you also know that i liked this guy (other guy, i mean) but he likes somebody else.

and well for a time there i thought i've actually fallen in love again...only it doesn't feel that way anymore.

oh, i like the guy. in fact i like him very much. He's nice, he's sweet, he's ambitious, he's responsible --- he also makes me smile. Things i'd really want my next bf to possess.

but i know that the deal about envying Laurie's and Jane's pain made me 'fall' too soon. And the fear of getting used to being single. And the hurry for intimacy again, lest i shrink from it forever.

all these converged into...this, and i only got hurt for no other reason but to learn - yet again - to be secure in myself.

oh, i will always like E...And there will always be that secret dream of a right time for us. Then again, i got so interested too soon --- a mistake i hope i'll avoid making come next guy.

so, learnings...
1. be patient - don't push things that only crumble when pressured
2. be open - to God's plan
3. live in the present - not your future fears
4. be lovable and loving - and you shall be loved

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
nothing you can say
will ever be excuse enough
to make a truth a lie
no rationalization of distance
or difference
or non-guarantees
can ever make a fiction of a fact
"i love you
i just really love you
whether you choose and work
to be with me or not"

(poem made 05-04-2001)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

BIRTHDAY WISH
8-18-99
(12:00-12:15 am)

Oh, to be held
Gently, but firmly
To have one whole
Blessed night
In which to feel
Secure
Special
Loved.
To be in the arms
Of someone
Who values you
As much as
You value yourself;
To be able to talk
And say anything
Without reservation,
And without fear
Of being judged;
To feel in every touch,
In every sweet caress
That it’s okay to let down
Your defenses,
And know
That you will not
Be let down;
To be silent with a loved one
And yet, speak volumes
In every breath
To be able to cry
And be assured
That every teardrop shed
Will be wiped away
For you;
To suffer gladly
Tender kisses
On your hair,
On your lips;
To believe
For one moment
In eternity;
To smile, and look into
Your loved one’s eyes,
And know you’re home…
That is intimacy.
That is making love.

Oh, to feel the heaven
Of two bodies
And two souls
Merging,
To just be.
For a night, to just be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i think...am the one jumping on the Valentine mushy bandwagon.... ughh..... yuck!!! (but it's good to remind yourself of things you thought once, ryt? ergo, diary)